So how do you even attempt to Detach? Begin with these steps:
How to Develop Detachment
In order to become detached from a person, place or thing, you need to:
First: Establish emotional boundaries between you and the person, place or thing with whom you have become overly enmeshed or dependent on. The emotion you are experiencing is allowed and does imply those around you should be feeling the same thing.
Second: Take back power over your feelings from persons, places or things which in the past you have given power to affect your emotional well-being. Start using "I" statements instead of "You" statements. In reality, we are all in fact responsible for our own emotions.
Third: Relinquish! Say a prayer, mantra, send good joo joo to the air (or whatever modality resonates with you) for the persons, places and things which you would like to see changed but which you cannot change on your own.
Fourth: Make a commitment to your personal recovery and self-health by admitting to yourself that there is only one person you can change and that is yourself and that for your serenity you need to let go of the "need" to fix, change, rescue or heal other persons, places and things.
Fifth: You are not actually a superhero. Recognize that it is irrational to believe that you have the power or control enough to fix, correct, change, heal or rescue another person, place or thing if they do not want to get better nor see a need to change.
Sixth: Recognize that you need to be healthy yourself in order for another to recognize that there is something limited with them that needs changing.
Seventh: Continue to own your feelings as your responsibility and not blame others for the way you feel. Again, use "I" statemtns instead of "You" statements.
Eighth: Accept personal responsibility for your own unhealthy actions, feelings and thinking and cease looking for the persons, places or things you can blame for your unhealthiness.
Ninth: Accept that addicted fixing, rescuing, enabling are exhausting, inappropriate and irrational behaviors. Set your intention to extinguish these behaviors in your relationship to persons, places and things by becoming more conscious and self aware of what it feels like when you are doing this... YUCKY!
Tenth: Accept that many people, places and things in your past and current life are "irrational," "unhealthy" and "toxic" influences in your life, label them honestly for what they truly are, and stop minimizing their negative impact in your life.
Eleventh: Reduce the impact of guilt and other irrational beliefs which impede your ability to develop detachment in your life.
Twelfth: Practice "letting go" of the need to correct, fix or make better the persons, places and things in life over which you have no control or power to change.
In today's world of seemingly increasing self absorption, focus on collecting material things, beautiful bodies, and instant gratification, there seems to more difficulty grasping the concept of "detachment." Many people struggle to grasp the concept of letting go and disconnecting from anything and everyone. With awareness, some can eventually practice detaching from events and outcomes. There are few things harder, however, than loving another and also disconnecting and separating from them for your, and their, greater good... detaching from the people you love.
What is detachment?
Detachment is the:
Not being able to attach sometimes implies a tendency toward Codependence.
What irrational thinking leads to an inability to detach?
If you relate this these points, move on to the next blog about turning your Detachment into a daily reality!
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