"Everyone is already the living Buddha, complete, whole, perfect as you are. All this action and effort to become special is just making you very unspecial and creating a tremendous amount of pain and suffering. " Zen master Dennis Genpo Merzel
How many times have you logged on to social media only to feel overwhelmed and less than in comparing yourself to the grand displays of others? Next the fear of missing out creeps in. If everyone already understood and embraced their birthright of whole and perfect, perhaps there would be less having to justify and prove it to each other online. The truth is, no one is special because we are all in fact special which makes us all equal and the same. It's only circumstances, resources, privilege and material wealth that make us seem better or worse than the next. We each have unique gifts that with any luck, courage and perseverance, get expressed and shared with the world making it all a better place. Rather than be mad at someone for having a talent, a success, an opportunity, instead explore what is your gift that needs expression and flow in the direction of expressing it. Breathe easy. You already are enough. When you interact with another human being, try instead viewing them as also (like you) a special spiritual being having a human experience. "Most of our energy goes into upholding our importance. If we were capable of losing some of that importance, two extraordinary things would happen to us. One, we would free our energy from trying to maintain the illusory idea of our grandeur; and two, we would provide ourselves with enough energy to catch a glimpse of the actual grandeur of the universe." Carlos Castaneda
If you were to really slow down and take an objective look at yourself from the outside, would you become aware of how much time and energy you spend trying to prove to those around you, and perhaps to yourself, how special you are? You know the people who truly have secure attachment style because they are less likely consumed by having to justify their importance. They just are.... worthy, significant, valued, humble without even bragging or broadcasting about it. If the world were in habited by more people like this, there would likely be more harmony, sharing and collaborative creating with less competition, fighting and imitation. So how do we get there? Right now, in this present moment, try naming something about you, a character trait, a special gift, a talent unique to you that you were born with that will always be part of you and never goes away. How do you know that? How are you exuding, sharing, exhibiting that daily? Where does that knowing reside in your body? If you were reminded of that every morning, could you go through your day with more security, more confidence, more safety in your actions? I challenge you to look at yourself in the mirror, really look into your own reflection, every morning and say to yourself "(Your Name), I see, feel, and know that you are (insert trait)." Try it for a week straight and notice the difference. Fully Alive by Dawna MarkovaI will not die an unlived life.
I will not live in fear of falling or catching fire. I choose to inhabit my days, to allow my living to open me, to make me less afraid, more accessible, to loosen my heart until it becomes a wing, a torch, a promise. I choose to risk my significance; to live so that which came to me as seed goes to the next as blossom and that which came to me as blossom, goes on as fruit. "Before yoga, I worked out a lot. I was a workout maniac, the harder the better. Then one day I woke up with sciatica pain down my leg. I thought it would go away, but it got worse and worse for the next two years. I couldn't work, sit down, or stand up. I went to all the doctors and tried everything from deep massage to chiropractors. Finally I quite the gym and went to yoga. I lost weight, and after three months 75 percent of the pain was gone. Then came other painful lessons in my life. I kept practicing, and I started reevaluating everything. All my angers and resentments came up. I think it was all stuck in my body. I buried all my emotions and I didn't know that I was doing it. I started seeing things clearly. I remembered being seven and that my leg hurt back then. I realized that that's where I started holding everything. With the opening of my body, all this stuff started flowing out. I faced things head-on, felt them, and let go. It changed me completely."
by Jene R., yoga teacher in Meditations from the Mat by Rolf Gates How many of you can relate to this story or are at least curious about it? There is good reason yoga and also meditation is getting more credit, research done by Ivy League institutions, and attention by respected media. I myself was a gym person till an older mentor coworker of mine recommended I try a hatha yoga class in 1995. I had been "working out" for years but seemed to never get or feel very strong. I had always been somewhat flexible, but strength was illusive. My self esteem was very externally focused and conditional. I had a habit of being ignorant to my anxious, shallow breath. Over time, with a lot of persistence and discipline to my hatha yoga practice, my body was transformed. I stopped going to the gym. I began to feel patient, accepting, stronger, more confident from the inside and less obsessive, neurotic, dependent on what strength looked like on the outside. Today I can BREATHE deeper. Something shifts over time when we quiet the mind and practice being present with the breath and the body. We begin to undo layers of protection that may no longer be serving us. My graduate school thesis presentation explored my transformation going from years of an armored, tense, protected, stiff upper back to an increased ability to backbend and open my heart to emotion, empathy, and vulnerability thanks to daily ashtanga vinyasa yoga. It's a process that might not make sense till you try it. Sadly, in today's society of short lived fads and FOMA, many people may only dabble in yoga and not make it to the goodness, the transformative meat of the practice. So, are you ready to shift your mindset to "slow and steady wins the race"? I challenge you to take a breath and consider it. One of my favorite entries about how yoga and psychology come together in the eloquent collection by Rolf Gates titled Meditations from the Mat.
"The Samskaras are built up by continued action of the thought waves, and they, in their turn, create new thought-waves, the process works both ways. Expose the mind to constant thoughts of anger and resentment, and you will find that these anger-waves build-up anger-samskaras, which will predispose you to find occasions for anger throughout your daily life. A man with will developed anger-samskaras is said to have "a bad temper." The sum total of our samskaras is, in fact, our character at any given moment." from the Yoga Sutras In yogic psychology, our predispositions, the contents of our character, are in a state of perpetual cocreation with our thoughts. Our thoughts create impressions on our souls, samskaras, and these impressions, in turn, predispose us to similar thoughts. Over time, these impressions can become quite pronounced, as in the case of addiction. But like impressions made on the surface of a candle, our samskaras can be melted away by heat. The heat we apply is yoga. Dharana (concentration) and dhyana (meditation), whether experienced in asana, pranayama, meditation, or some other activity, are so powerful because they bring us to a place beyond thought and the impressions of thought, and into vidya, direct knowledge of the soul. Our thought can refashion our samskaras; dharana and dhyana eliminate our preconceived notions altogether. We can move beyond our self-created personalities, let go of our self-limiting definitions and realize our true nature. (Adapted from Meditations from the Mat by Rolf Gates) So how do you even attempt to Detach? Begin with these steps:
How to Develop Detachment In order to become detached from a person, place or thing, you need to: First: Establish emotional boundaries between you and the person, place or thing with whom you have become overly enmeshed or dependent on. The emotion you are experiencing is allowed and does imply those around you should be feeling the same thing. Second: Take back power over your feelings from persons, places or things which in the past you have given power to affect your emotional well-being. Start using "I" statements instead of "You" statements. In reality, we are all in fact responsible for our own emotions. Third: Relinquish! Say a prayer, mantra, send good joo joo to the air (or whatever modality resonates with you) for the persons, places and things which you would like to see changed but which you cannot change on your own. Fourth: Make a commitment to your personal recovery and self-health by admitting to yourself that there is only one person you can change and that is yourself and that for your serenity you need to let go of the "need" to fix, change, rescue or heal other persons, places and things. Fifth: You are not actually a superhero. Recognize that it is irrational to believe that you have the power or control enough to fix, correct, change, heal or rescue another person, place or thing if they do not want to get better nor see a need to change. Sixth: Recognize that you need to be healthy yourself in order for another to recognize that there is something limited with them that needs changing. Seventh: Continue to own your feelings as your responsibility and not blame others for the way you feel. Again, use "I" statemtns instead of "You" statements. Eighth: Accept personal responsibility for your own unhealthy actions, feelings and thinking and cease looking for the persons, places or things you can blame for your unhealthiness. Ninth: Accept that addicted fixing, rescuing, enabling are exhausting, inappropriate and irrational behaviors. Set your intention to extinguish these behaviors in your relationship to persons, places and things by becoming more conscious and self aware of what it feels like when you are doing this... YUCKY! Tenth: Accept that many people, places and things in your past and current life are "irrational," "unhealthy" and "toxic" influences in your life, label them honestly for what they truly are, and stop minimizing their negative impact in your life. Eleventh: Reduce the impact of guilt and other irrational beliefs which impede your ability to develop detachment in your life. Twelfth: Practice "letting go" of the need to correct, fix or make better the persons, places and things in life over which you have no control or power to change. http://www.livestrong.com/article/14712-developing-detachment/ In today's world of seemingly increasing self absorption, focus on collecting material things, beautiful bodies, and instant gratification, there seems to more difficulty grasping the concept of "detachment." Many people struggle to grasp the concept of letting go and disconnecting from anything and everyone. With awareness, some can eventually practice detaching from events and outcomes. There are few things harder, however, than loving another and also disconnecting and separating from them for your, and their, greater good... detaching from the people you love.
What is detachment? Detachment is the:
Not being able to attach sometimes implies a tendency toward Codependence. What irrational thinking leads to an inability to detach?
If you relate this these points, move on to the next blog about turning your Detachment into a daily reality! Self care is active participation in enhancing the quality of your health — physical and mental. Some people may think that nurturing the self is only for the sick, weak and wounded which couldn't be further from the truth. Vibrantly healthy happy balanced people often achieve and maintain such a quality of life because they are already practicing "self care." Is that selfish? Just like the airplane safety message states, you must apply the oxygen mask to yourself first before helping those around you.
The North Caroline State Student Health Center website eloquently says, "Self care is an approach to living that incorporates behaviors that refresh you, replenish your personal motivation, and help you grow as a person. It’s the equivalent of keeping your car filled with gas so that you are ready to motor any time. When adjusting to different circumstances, stress will help or hinder us depending on how we react to it." The three main categories of self care and examples of each are: PHYSICAL Getting exercise in any modality from an intense spin class to a simple walk outside. Getting a massage, acupuncture or chiropractic treatment. Following through on routine doctors appointments and more as needed when sick. Requesting a long hug from a trusted friend. Getting rest and relaxation when you feel tired. Implementing sleep rituals conducive to better quality sleep. Honoring what foods your body is hungry for and practicing moderation. MENTAL/EMOTIONAL Spend time with unconditionally loving friends who reciprocate your efforts in being a reliable friend. Treat yourself with the same kindness you would your best friend. Eliminate many of the "shoulds" from your to do list and start with setting reasonable expectations. Revisit some hobbies and activities you used to love doing as a kid like creative collage, writing, making music and acting. Spend time in nature breathing in fresh air at least once a day. Actually take a lunch break not at your desk. Pet animals. Watch or engage in something that makes you laugh. SPIRITUAL/METAPHYSICAL Spend some time exploring a practice that exercises your mind existentially like prayer or meditation. Read passages on mindfulness, religion, poetry or recite mantras. Spend time with people or in a setting conducive to discussing your interests to better build up and identify your values, beliefs and priorities. Find a way such as volunteering or simply holding the door for a stranger to contribute to the well being of others. Add up at least three different things you are grateful for every day. "I could've done better."
"Nobody likes me." "Everyone else seems to have a life plan except me." "I could never do that." "Everything in life comes hard." "I'm doomed to be alone forever." Are you paying attention to the messages you tell yourself daily? Let alone the barrage of messages pounding down on us by media and advertising. How do you imagine those thoughts might be impacting your choices every day, every hour, every minute. Negative thoughts often became negative stories and ultimately ways of being. I'm a believer that our thoughts create our reality. Whatever you think you can or can't do, whoever you think you are or are not, you're probably right. Have you ever tried separating yourself from your thoughts or do you believe you are one and the same? Granted, many of us had to develop a certain way of thinking in order to make sense of our world and survive our young, often dysfunctional environments. Unfortunately, once out of that environment and adult, we never get around to updating and revising our thinking. Once we can make the unconscious conscious, we have more control and options before us. This takes a certain amount of self awareness and mindfulness practice. Inside each of us is the writer scripting the thoughts and there is also the one listening to them. What if the one listening began to question what they were hearing? Try this: The next time you have a negative self deprecating thought, see if you can:
Do you have a reference for what it means to simply "BE"? Similary, to "BE PRESENT"?
Today the world is moving faster than ever. This tends to mean an average person's brain is working faster and more easily distracted than ever before. People are much more likely to be stressed and anxious than even five years ago. These days it's hard to accurately diagnose who has actual Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) and who has simply been conditioned to today's instant gratification, hi-tech digitally demanding world. Can you stand in line or wait in a doctor's office without checking your phone? What would happen if you tried it? The majority of our thoughts either involve reviewing the past or fretting the future. How many are focused on the present moment? Not many. So how do we practice presence? There are various techniques and most involve a certain amount of bodily awareness. Bodily awareness means noticing the fact that you have a physical body, with breath and sensations like warm/cool, tense/loose, trembling/still, etc. Richard C. Miller, PhD, Founder of iRest Yoga Nidra, says bringing attention to sensation slows down the thinking mind (http://www.irest.us). Try this 3 minute exercise to start. It can be practiced in private or in public, eyes opened or closed:
Recognize that during this exercise you were likely more present, in the moment, less stressed, than before the exercise when you were likely ignorant of your feet. When you are actively noticing physical sensations in the moment, it is impossible to also be having thoughts about past actions or future "to dos." The world around you slows down when you practice body sensing because you have become more curious about your internal world. When we practice presence, we get closer to practicing longer experiences of simply "BEING" which means more calm, less stress. |
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